There is a saying, “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” I found out that after my divorce many of my friends were gone. People I had known with my ex just seemed to evaporate into thin air. There were a couple friends that remained in contact. One of my friends I have known since 2003. She had been a rock for me through the divorce.
Sometimes, friendships just drift away and there is nothing you can do about it. People change, places change and one just has to ‘roll with the punches’. How do we continue to nurture those old friendships in spite of the pain we feel from the divorce?
1. Re-evaluate: Friends who like you for you and not because of your ex will most likely stick around. Those who drift away because of the divorce perhaps weren’t that close to you after all. You know who your real friends are when you’re standing waist deep in mud and covered with poop. Hard times in our lives tend to feel like that. True friends will get in the mud with you and help you clean off the poop.
2. Be intentional: The friend I mentioned above recently retired. I can’t call her every day at work. She is feeling overwhelmed because of being retired, not really wanting to be retired, and having to get all her ducks in a row. I text her daily or every other day. I need to be intentional with her, to continue to cultivate out friendship, to polish that gold. Continue to invest in those gold relationships.
3. Give: Send an occasional note in the mail, call for no reason, send flowers for her birthday (even if it isn’t her birthday!), let those friends know you are thinking about them. I even do this with my children. I have known my children for over 30 years – they are those gold relationships that are worth the investment of my time and energy.
4. Accept: Friends may not know what to say or how to give to you after a divorce. That’s okay. Accept that they may feel awkward. Accept that they may be distant and silent because they feel uncomfortable. Accept that you will most likely have to make the first move to reconnect with them.
5. Be kind and merciful: No one is perfect. Extend grace to your friends. Reach out to them when God puts them on your heart. Pray for them.
God doesn’t want us to walk through this life alone. That’s why He gave Eve to Adam. That’s why the twelve disciples lived in community with Jesus. That’s why we have friends and loved ones – people who care about us even when we are at our worst.
I challenge you today, dear one. Have you been thinking about someone, a friend? Send them a text msg, pick up the phone and call them, write them a note and send it snail mail. Friends are the gold in our lives. Stay tuned. . . .