After my divorce, I was scared, anxious and distrustful. I wanted to be alone, but then I didn’t want to be alone. I was angry, bitter and reckless- almost to the point of self destruction. I am thankful for my two steadfast friends who kept me grounded during that time.
This morning, I was eating my breakfast out on the front porch, enjoying the morning – listening to the birds sing, smelling the forest after the rain, and watching critters come and go. Cycle Dude recently hung a hummingbird feeder for me. For a long time, no one visited the feeder. However, this morning, I heard a beautiful male hummingbird buzz up to the feeder. I watched in amazement as he darted around the feeder and landed to enjoy some of the nectar. He came back several times.
As I watched him, I thought of a word – appreciation. It seems to me that I have a greater appreciation of life after the divorce. I enjoy spending time with my children. I like cuddling with my dogs. I enjoy being out in nature. I love spending time with Cycle Dude. The new beginning of the divorce has given me the opportunity to start over in more ways than one.
I know that it is difficult to appreciate much after one has been through a traumatic event like a divorce. Yet, there is so much to appreciate and to be thankful for. When you wake up tomorrow morning, look out your window. Is the sun rising? Or is it raining? Appreciate either one. What will you have for breakfast? Savor the taste of coffee, appreciate the lingering smell of bacon and eggs, meditate on the sweetness of the pancakes and syrup on your tongue.
Life is tough, but there is a great deal to appreciate. Stop, take a deep breath, and take in all that surrounds you. Life is an adventure. Live it!! Stay tuned. . .
(I took the accompanying photo in Cycle Dude’s yard. He has a tree beside the driveway that looks like it could be a hobbit house. These mushrooms were growing inside the little ‘doorway’.)
Yesterday morning, when I left for work, I heard a sound I had not expected to hear so soon in the year – the croaking of tree frogs. It was very faint, but I heard it. I heard the frogs again last night. To me, the frog song is a comforting sound because I associate it with spring. I also noticed that the jonquils are starting to push up through the leaf litter in Cycle Dude’s side yard. All signs of spring!
It hasn’t been a particularly nasty winter here in Mystate, but it’s been very wet. That means there will be many, many plants blooming when it begins to get warmer. More plants blooming, more allergies. I fully expect my allergies to be bad this season. But, I digress.
Scientists have found that certain sounds and smells evoke deep memories. For me, the frog song reminds me sitting on the back deck at my house several years ago, enjoying dinner or a glass of wine. The smell of coffee reminds me of traveling with my parents. The smell of bacon and eggs reminds me of my grandma’s house. There are many good memories that accompany these reminders.
It’s so easy to focus on the negative after a divorce. I want to take this opportunity to focus on the positive. What kinds of sounds or smells evoke good memories for you? Focus on how you felt – the happiness, the comfort, the love. The frog song also reminds me of finding a tree frog under a glass table last year on Cycle Dude’s front patio. The memory of laughter and wonder is sweet.
Take time to discover your “frog song” – that sound or smell that brings back sweet memories. Focus on the good things in your life. Life is an adventure. Live it! Stay tuned . . . .
From December 28 to February 2, I seemed to do nothing but cough. Three weeks into whatever I had I was finally diagnosed with a sinus infection. However, the cough is still lingering. I coughed so hard for a month that I pulled muscles I never knew I had. For six weeks I basically did nothing when I got home from work. My weekends were spent vegging on the couch. I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I did nothing. It took that long for my body to heal from that nasty virus. (And yes, I was taking vitamins, getting plenty of rest and eating healthy.) For some reason, that virus took hold and didn’t want to let go!
Sometimes, it’s okay to just do nothing. When you’re sick, the best thing is rest and fluids. God created our bodies (if they are relatively healthy) to heal themselves. Those Green Beret white blood cells are truly strong little soldiers! Rest does incredible things for our bodies. Sleep allows healing to occur. I am not a scientist, but I observe.
We can also become mentally sick – depressed. I was depressed for a long time before, during and after my divorce. I went to see my doctor and was prescribed antidepressants. It’s okay to be on medication in order to feel better. If you have pneumonia, you get antibiotics to make you feel better, to heal. Antidepressants help in the same way – they allow you to heal.
I’ve had days when I did absolutely nothing. I was depressed, or tired, or battle weary from the divorce. I felt alone, abandoned, and sad. It was okay to do nothing. When I rested, I healed. The peace and quiet I found after my divorce helped me to heal.
One cannot expect to be healthy, to be up and running full speed when one has just experienced a traumatic event like a divorce. Give yourself permission to veg, to do nothing. Allow yourself to heal. If you don’t take care of yourself, who else will? Be kind to yourself. Stay tuned. . . .
Last January, I bought a new car – a Nissan Versa in gun-metal gray that I named Jet. Jet does not have many bells or whistles – he does not have power windows or locks, heated seats or back seats that fold down or lot of other things. That’s fine with me. He has what matters – the ability to get me dependably from point A to point B. He does that quite well and doesn’t use a whole lot of gas in the process. In fact, I discovered this morning that he also does quite well on snow and ice.
For me, getting divorced took me from a house full of stuff to an apartment full of half that stuff. The longer I lived in the apartment, the more stuff I got rid of. When I moved in with Cycle Dude, I got rid of tons more stuff. Truth be told, I could probably get rid of even more stuff.
Stuff wasn’t the only thing I got rid of. Friends who knew ex and I together seemed to evaporate. I also got rid of a great deal of anxiety, suspicion, and (eventually) anger. I felt like my life was like an onion, peeling away layer after layer. I finally got down to the things that matter.
I don’t have the latest, greatest and most updatest of everything – I don’t need it. Jet doesn’t have tons of bells and whistles – I don’t need it. I don’t have a walk-in closet full of clothes or shoes – I don’t need it. I don’t have a house full of knick-knacks – I don’t need it.
What do I need and what are the things that matter in my life? My faith, my children, my grandbaby, my sweetheart (Cycle Dude), my pups, my family, a roof over my head, food in the fridge and a job that meets my financial needs. My perspective has changed a great deal over the past seven years. My needs are met with simplicity and my wants are few. I find happiness in relationships, not things. I get to come home each day to three of my favorite people – Cycle Dude, Jack and Shirley. And for that, I am grateful! Stay tuned. . . .
I colored my hair for years – blonde, auburn, dark brown. My natural hair color is a dirty dishwater blonde. Several years ago, I started going gray. In fact, I found my first gray hairs when my second son was in high school, as I knew I would. I thought I was too young to be gray. Then I met Cycle Dude. His natural hair color is a dark brown. He started going gray when he was in his late 40s. He is now 60 with a very attractive salt and pepper hair color. I thought, “If he’s not dying his hair, I won’t dye mine.” So, I didn’t.
Now, I have this dirty dishwater blonde hair with beautiful (gray) highlights. I’ve had several people ask me who does my hair color and highlights. I tell them it’s all natural. This morning when I looked in the mirror and saw my gray streaks, I thought, “My gray hair is like battle scars – I’ve earned every one of them and I am proud!”
Accepting my graying hair is accepting who I am. My hair is graying, I have scoliosis and I could stand to lose a few pounds. That’s who I am. I love Dove chocolate. If you’ve ever had Dove chocolate, you know they put little sayings inside the candy wrappers. One of my favorite sayings (that I have posted on my office bulletin board) is “Be proud of your age.” I am proud. I just turned 55. I have a good job, a man who loves me, three wonderful children and children-in law, my first grandbaby on the way, amazing siblings and mom, great friends and I live in a beautiful part of the country.
I accept that I am not perfect. I accept that I am not 25 anymore. I am looking forward to the rest of my life being who I am. I want to be a great Nonnie to my grandchildren. I want to be a wonderful companion to Cycle Dude. I want to be a loving mom to my adult children. I want to be a good daughter to my mom and a good sibling to my brothers and sisters. I want to be my best . . . just the way I am!
Accept who you are. You are strong, you are beautiful and you are loved. . . . just the way you are! Stay tuned. . . .
Back in March, I moved in with Cycle Dude. He lives 20 miles from where I lived in Mytown, so now I have quite a commute! I don’t mind the commute – I travel through some beautiful country to get to Myjob. One of the things I like about living at Cycle Dude’s house is the variety of wildlife – mammals, insects, and amphibians – that live around his house. One day last week, I came out of Cycle Dude’s house and saw this moth on the ground. (I did not know it at the time, but the moth was dead.)
I stopped and stared at this beautiful creature! I was amazed at how creative God is! I have never seen a moth like this – with its art deco wing pattern. I am not sure how this wing design functions as camouflage, but I think it’s beautiful!
I have been giving this little moth some thought. This critter can’t help but to be who he is. What if he wanted to be a beautiful Monarch butterfly? Or a breathtaking Luna moth? Or not a winged creature at all? He is who he is because he fills a unique role in creation. His wing pattern alone creates ‘Ooo’s!’ and ‘Ahh’s!” Maybe he is unique food for another critter – bird, amphibian or insect.
I am amazed at how creative God is! We are all who we are because we fill a unique role in creation. I am not rich or famous. I have told God that if my only purpose on earth was to have my children so they could be rich or famous or they could influence another’s life for the better, then so be it. That’s my unique role. No one is nothing – we are all part of the Grand Design. Remember “It’s a Wonderful Life” and how George Bailey wished he hadn’t been born? Remember when he realized all the people’s lives he touched for the better?
Take a lesson from nature – we are all beautiful and unique. There is only one you, only one person with your unique wing pattern! Praise God for your unique role in His creation! Stay tuned. . . .
When I was in college, I knew a young man who was in Air Force ROTC at another school out-of-state. He would fly home to my hometown to visit his parents (and me) “Space A” or “space available”. That meant that if there was a military flight leaving from his college town and going to my hometown that had ‘space available’ on the flight, he’d be able to fly home for free. He would call me and say, “I’m flying Space A this weekend. Can you pick me up at the base?” Of course I would. (Long story short, we were supposed to get married . . . .another story for another time.)
I’ve thought about ‘Space A’ over the years. What that really meant was that there was a space for that young man and that made him happy. These days, when I think about ‘Space A’, I think about people or things that I need to make space for in my life. It’s easy after a divorce to shut down and shut people out. The pain of a divorce, the sting of rejection by your spouse, the financial drain – all are reasons to shut down and shut out. It’s easier to crawl into a hole to lick your wounds and admit defeat than it is to stand out in the light of day, flex your muscles and move on with life.
What do you need ‘Space A’ for in your life? New goals and dreams? A new job? A pet? Volunteer work? Relationship(s) with your grown child(ren)? Crawl out of that hole and begin walking forward. You may find out that when you make ‘Space A’ for things and people in your life, you’ll experience a level of happiness you’ve not known before. Check it out. Stay tuned . . . . .