Making Memories

One of my coworkers was raised in an orphanage. I have been getting bits and pieces of her story over the past few weeks. When I talk about how excited I am for my mom to come for Christmas, my coworker relates a story from her past. She never really knew her mom and knew very little about her dad. Her stories don’t bother me or make me sad, but they make me grateful for the family I have and the memories we made through the years.

I am looking forward to making memories with my mom. As one of six children, I didn’t always have one on one time with my mom. A couple of years ago at a family reunion here in Mytown for my mom’s 80th birthday, she and I shared a cabin. I was so thrilled to finally have her all to myself. We laughed and cried together. I will have those memories forever.

I have the whole Christmas week planned out with my mom. We are going to see two of my children who live in the middle of the Mystate and we will go see my son and his family who recently moved back to south Mystate. We are also going to the Biltmore in Asheville to see the Christmas decorations. I have built in some “veg-out” days where we can hang out and just enjoy each other’s company. Cycle Dude is taking the whole week off, so he will be vegging with us! I am looking forward to the memories we will make during the week. I know that when the day comes when my mom is no longer with us, I will look back on these days and be grateful for the time we had together.

I hope my children will also take this time to make some memories with their Grandma. We will visit my grandbaby, my mom’s fifth great-grandchild, and take a four generation picture with my mom, me, my son and my grandbaby. I will cherish that picture.

Wherever you are, whoever you are with, whatever you do this holiday season, spend some time making good memories. It is easy to have bad memories about your divorce. It is therapeutic to make good memories – to start new traditions, to make new friends, and to be grateful for another holiday season. Have a thankful heart and a joyous holiday. Stay tuned. . . . .

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Medals

One of my siblings lives in San Antonio, TX. Every April, the city celebrates Fiesta San Antonio. Each year, new commemorative medals are issued as part of the festival. There are some people who have been collecting commemorative medals for years. Collecting the medals is like collecting pins from different places and events.

I have my own medals – they are known as wrinkles and gray hair. Yesterday, I went to get my hair trimmed. As the stylist was showing me how much she had trimmed off, she showed me the back of my head. I gasped! There, buried under several strands of dirty dishwater blonde hair was a streak of gray hair! I have gray hairs here and there, but I did not know I had such a big streak. I began to laugh!

I have earned every single one of those gray hairs – three terrible two-year-olds, three teenaged drivers, three children away at college, three weddings, one hard-earned Bachelor’s degree, one $%@# ex, four moves in less than two years and four jobs. Those wrinkles around my eyes and mouth? Laughing with my children and friends, smiling at my grand baby, singing in choirs and praise bands, and loving Cycle Dude with my whole heart.

Am I afraid or ashamed of my gray hair and wrinkles? Heck no! They are reminders that the life I have lived thus far has not be easy and has not always been happy. But I am grateful for these visual reminders that I have not stopped living life, that I am not afraid to share that life with others and that I am grateful to God for this amazing life He has given me. (And yes, I do use sunscreen and always wear a hat when I am outside.)

My wrinkles and gray hair remind me that my life has not been perfect, but I would not trade my ‘medals’ for anything in the world! Stay tuned. . . .

Seeing with New Eyes

I had the delightful opportunity at the end of January to visit my grand baby. She and her mom and dad live in another state. I love to travel and love even more to arrive at my destination with someone I adore waiting for me. My little Sweet Pea greeted me at the airport with her mom and dad. Of course, she was sleeping, but it was still wonderful!

I spent the weekend encouraging my son and daughter-in-law, sharing all my delights of parenthood. One of the most amazing things about being  a parent is seeing the world through the eyes of your children. To them, all things are new and exciting. Little ones are fascinated by the seemingly most mundane things – a leaf, a blade of grass, a cow, a plastic spoon – the more mundane, the better. Their curiosity knows no bounds.

As I thought about that – seeing the world through new eyes – I thought about being divorced. At first, I was angry, then relieved. But now, all things are new! I am seeing with new eyes. I no longer see the weekend as a horrible place because I have to spend it with someone I loath. I no longer dread getting the mail because of the kind of advertisements I might find. I no longer hate to check my bank balance because of the questionable charges I might find. (Someone else has to handle all that now. Ha!)

I see my children as amazing adults and parents and look forward to spending time with them. I see Cycle Dude as a treasure. I can’t wait for the weekend to come – to spend time with the man I love and my pups. I love waking up to each new day, knowing that a wondrous adventure is waiting for me. I enjoy my ride home at the end of the day, knowing that three of my favorite people are waiting at home for me – Jack, Shirley and Cycle Dude.

I know that it takes time to get past the pain and anger of a divorce – I get it. But resolve that one day soon, you will see your life and the world with new eyes and with curiosity that knows no bounds! Stay tuned. . . .

 

New Beginnings

On Monday, Nov. 27, I became a grandma for the first time. My oldest son and his wife had their first child. They live out-of-state. I had been visiting them for Thanksgiving and was hoping the little one would arrive while I was there, but she came as I was boarding the plane to come home. I have been able to Face Time with my son, my daughter-in-law and my grand baby. I even got to sing my grandbaby to sleep last night. It was so sweet.

The birth of my first grand baby marks a season of new beginnings and firsts for my son and his wife and for me. My son’s life will never be the same! I told him to buckle up because parenthood is one crazy ride! My life will never be the same as I watch the next generation grow up.

My divorce was a new beginning. It was scary at first because what I thought was ‘normal’ wasn’t and I was only responsible for myself – my children were all grown. It wasn’t until I moved into an apartment with my dogs that I finally felt like I was experiencing that new beginning. I was grateful for the time to heal and to figure out who I was and what I was capable of.

The New Year will soon be upon us. My hope is that the New Year will bring a season of new beginnings for many of us who have experienced the pain and trauma of divorce. Resolve that you will live for you, that you will not pass up opportunities to love, to give, and to laugh. Hugs!

Beginning With Joy

Prior to my recent move, I asked a friend of mine to text me the questions one uses when sorting through stuff. One of the questions was, “Does it (the object) bring you joy?” If not, toss it or give it away. The thing is, so much of my stuff has to do with my children and they definitely bring me joy! Cycle Dude has given me until May 1 to sort through all my stuff. How do I condense all that joy?

Webster’s Dictionary defines joy as: “The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires; delight; bliss.”

I must admit that joy was the furthest thing from my mind when I was going through my divorce. If you could have seen my emotions during that time, they were a swirl of nasty, acidic, putrid muck – rather akin to nuclear waste. Emotionally, I was a prime candidate for a Superfund cleanup site. Yuck, yuck and more yuck.

Yet, I had people around me who encouraged me to remember joy – my children, my best friends, Cycle Dude, my dogs. Moments of joy during my divorce were fleeting, but they were there. When I finally emerged from my toxic cocoon, almost five years later, I saw there were people waiting there for me – people who loved me and had my best interests at heart. It was not hard to feel joy, and gratitude, at their presence. My healing journey had taken on a whole new feel, beginning with joy.

Dear one, if you are at the point in your healing journey where you feel like toxic sludge, you are not alone. I encourage you to look for moments of joy – in God’s creation around you, in the laughter of your children, in the hug of a friend, in the taste of a delightful piece of chocolate! Your joy may come in bits and pieces right now, but soon, those bits and pieces will grow larger and larger. Joy is part of the healing journey. Stay tuned. . . .

 

 

On Being a Parent

I found out Friday evening that my oldest son and his wife are expecting at the end of November. This little one is my first grandchild. He or she is also the first great-grandchild for my ex in-laws and the 5th great-grandchild for my mom. I’m sure my ex father-in-law will be over the moon, because if this baby is a boy, he will be carrying on the family name. That is very important in my ex’s family since there is only ex and his brother in his family and his brother never had children.

When I had my oldest, heaven and earth moved for my ex father-in-law. Then when I had my second son, we were assured an heir and a spare. I am so excited for my son and his wife. I texted him the following today:

” I have to tell you two that I believe God gives us children, not for what we can do for them, but what they can do for us. You will find yourselves stretched in ways you never thought possible – and that doesn’t include (my daughter-in-law’s) body! You will experience the deepest fatigue you have ever felt after numerous sleepless nights due to the baby adjusting, teething, not feeling well or just needing to be loved on. You will experience the greatest joy you have ever felt when your child surpasses milestones as a baby, child, teenager or adult. You will experience the greatest heartache you have ever felt when your child experiences it. You will experience the greatest pride you have ever felt when your child receives their first trophy or other accolade announcing their accomplishments. Being a good parent takes teamwork, flexibility and most of all, humor. You are about to embark on the greatest adventure known to mankind. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!”

Parenting is truly hard work because those little things don’t come with an owner’s manual! What works for one family may not work for another. What works for one child most likely will not work for the other(s). I have two boys and a girl – all happily married. The boys are as different as night and day. Then along came their little sister and I definitely could not treat her like I did the boys. It think children also prove that God has a sense of humor. He gave me three very different children.

However, one of the fun things about the Parenthood Adventure is discovering your children’s personalities, strengths and talents. I have been amazed to watch my children as they have grown and become such amazing people. With each child, God gave me a vision for their lives. For my oldest, we were told he would be like Aaron of the Old Testament – very good at speaking and expressing himself. My son can speak five languages and his college degrees are in Communications and German. With my second son, I saw a vision of a pair of hands, like those of the disciple Peter – hands rugged and worn. My son is very happy to help and serve – only he does it in the background, not wanting any recognition. He is also a very compassionate soul. For my daughter, I saw a sword piercing a flame. She is my prayer warrior. She is very strong in her faith. I have been awed by each of my children and the lives they are living. I am indeed a blessed woman!

I’m sure I will give updates on my grandbaby from time to time. Stay tuned!