The Humility of Compassion

I normally don’t post twice in one day, but I just had an experience I need to share. It relates to a larger characteristic I wish I would see more of.

My boss is gone on vacation this week, so I have been taking advantage of the time and walking around the campus at Myjob twice a day. This afternoon, as I was walking by one of the medical buildings, I saw a young family in front of me. I expected them to turn into one of the buildings, but they kept going. I soon realized they were lost. I asked if I could help them find something. When they responded in the affirmative, I took them to where they needed to go. She was pregnant and they were going to her doctor’s appointment. I made sure we took the ‘inside way’ to the correct medical building because it’s turning into a hot day here in Mytown and I knew she’d be uncomfortable continuing to walk outside.

So why was this act humbling and compassionate? The family did not know English very well. They had a map and a confirmation receipt for the mother’s doctor’s appointment. I had to rely on them to tell me where they needed to go. In spite of what I tell my children, I don’t know everything. It was humbling to follow their lead. Why compassionate? The family was lost and it was hot outside – I made sure they found their way and didn’t get lost. I told the dad I was taking him through the building because it was cooler for his family.

There are many people who wrap their acts of compassion in the banner of self-promotion. “Look what I did to help this person or this animal. Aren’t I such a wonderful person?!” Jesus told the story of two men who went to the synagogue to pray – one man was rich and known for his riches. The other man was a tax collector and people despised him. The rich man prayed in a loud voice so the room full of people could hear him. “Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like the sinners – adulterers, tax collectors, cheaters. See how I fast twice a day and give my tithes to the church!” The tax collector stood in a back corner of the room and bowed his head in shame. “Oh, God. Be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.” (Luke 18:10-13) Jesus admonished His disciples and said the tax collector was the better of the two men. Why? Because he prayed (acted) in humility.

When we act out of compassion, we experience humility when we quietly perform our deed. The very action of compassion itself is humbling because we must step outside of our comfort zone to do what we know is right. Was it right to let that family continue to wander around in the hot sun when the mom was so pregnant? No, of course not! The right thing to do was to make sure they got into a cool building and found the doctor’s office. You might say, “Well, that’s just being kind!” Yes, it is. What you don’t know is that this family was of an ethnicity I have expressed a strong dislike for in the past. I had to shove that aside and ask, “How may I be of service to you?”

Humility is stepping outside of ourselves and putting others first. Compassion is showing care for another person (or animal) by serving them as Christ served us. (Matthew 20:28: ‘The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve. . . .”) Don’t be afraid to humble yourself and serve others in the love of Christ. Stay tuned. . . .

The Daily Grind

My boss and I have frequently discussed why so many people love Fridays. His assertion is that too many people hate their jobs and cannot wait to get away from them. I say that we all need that downtime from the job. People may not hate their jobs, they just need the down time that the weekend provides. We all need time away from the ‘daily grind’ in order to recharge, refresh and relax with family and friends.

For some people, however, the ‘daily grind’ is a welcome distraction from other issues in their lives. I remember when I was married how I hated the weekends because it meant I had to be home with ex. I looked forward to my job, going to school and going to my children’s school events because they provided time away from ex.

After my divorce, I looked forward to the weekends again because it meant I spent more time with Cycle Dude. Now that we live together, I look forward to every day because I get to spend more time with my amazing, wonderful man. But, I digress.

How do you survive the daily grind? How do you not go crazy whacko from the 8 plus hours you spend at your job?

1. Take a break: By law, if you work 4 or more hours but less than 8 hours, you are entitled to a 15 minute break. If you work 8 or more hours, you are entitled to an hour meal break. Use that time! Don’t take the break or meal at your desk, but walk around. Go outside and walk around the building or find somewhere quiet to process your thoughts.

2. Move around: Stand up and stretch at least once an hour. Your shoulders, neck and legs will thank you. Take a five-minute walk down the hall or outside. Do 10 jumping jacks at your desk!

3. Keep something pleasant at your desk: Many times, desk areas are shared or are in public view and you cannot have things on your desk. Keep at least one small, portable thing at your desk that makes you happy – a small frame with a photograph of people you love, a seashell from a trip to the beach, a small plant, etc. The idea is to inject some happiness into your surroundings. My desk is not shared, neither is it public, so there are lots of things on my desk that make me happy – plants, photos, cards, etc.

4. Drink lots of water: Studies have shown that dehydration leads to increased irritability. Drink more water. At least the increased trips to the restroom will keep you moving!

5. Leave work at work: Once you step away from your work area for the day, that’s it. Work stays at work. Life is too short to stress over work issues when you’re not there! Silence your cell phone. Take advantage of your time away from work to rest, relax and refuel.

Sometimes, the daily grind is a drudgery due to work conditions, personality conflicts, bad bosses, etc. That’s why it’s all the more important to take advantage of the time you are not at work. Fill that time with things that make you happy – reading, tending houseplants, baking, etc. You will thank yourself in the long run! Stay tuned. . . .

 

 

 

 

Space A

When I was in college, I knew a young man who was in Air Force ROTC at another school out-of-state. He would fly home to my hometown to visit his parents (and me) “Space A” or “space available”. That meant that if there was a military flight leaving from his college town and going to my hometown that had ‘space available’ on the flight, he’d be able to fly home for free. He would call me and say, “I’m flying Space A this weekend. Can you pick me up at the base?” Of course I would. (Long story short, we were supposed to get married . . . .another story for another time.)

I’ve thought about ‘Space A’ over the years. What that really meant was that there was a space for that young man and that made him happy. These days, when I think about ‘Space A’, I think about people or things that I need to make space for in my life. It’s easy after a divorce to shut down and shut people out. The pain of a divorce, the sting of rejection by your spouse, the financial drain – all are reasons to shut down and shut out. It’s easier to crawl into a hole to lick your wounds and admit defeat than it is to stand out in the light of day, flex your muscles and move on with life.

What do you need ‘Space A’ for in your life? New goals and dreams? A new job? A pet? Volunteer work? Relationship(s) with your grown child(ren)? Crawl out of that hole and begin walking forward. You may find out that when you make ‘Space A’ for things and people in your life, you’ll experience a level of happiness you’ve not known before. Check it out. Stay tuned . . . . .

 

Family Reunion

Next weekend, various family members will be heading to MyState for a family reunion. The last time my siblings and I got together was for my mom’s 75th birthday. She will be 80 this year. Some family members are coming that I have not seen in years! I am excited! The only bad thing is that it is supposed to rain the whole time my extended family members are here. Oh, well.

I would not be as excited about this family reunion if I hadn’t taken a bold step last October. My middle son and I were talking one evening about the family reunion and he said something that made me think about my familial relationships. There was one family member that I had not gotten along with for years. I knew she would be at the family reunion. I did not want to make everyone uncomfortable by continuing this feud with her. I prayed and I asked for prayer because making peace with this family member was not real high on my “To Do” list.  Yet, I felt that it was something I needed to do.

I flew to the state this family member lived in. I stayed at another family member’s home and made arrangements to get together with the feuding family member. I knew I needed to approach her as honestly and sincerely as I could. Long story short, we resolved our differences. I was so relieved! Now, this family member and I are going to be first time Grandmas together – her first grandbaby is due two months before my first grandbaby. Now we will be able to share in one another’s joy.

Making peace with that family member was difficult. It is not something I would have done five or even two years ago! Yet, I knew this family reunion was coming up and I wanted to honor my mom’s 80th birthday by having the focus be on her and not on my feud with the other family member. It took courage and it took the willingness to do what I knew to be right even if the family member did not reciprocate.

So what does this have to do with being divorced? Do you have family members with whom you have not talked for a while – perhaps due to your divorce? Perhaps you and another family member said angry words to each other at one time? Perhaps you had a misunderstanding? I would urge you to resolve your differences as soon as possible. Pray about it, think about it, give it some time, but resolve to move forward to make peace.

Why? A couple of reasons: we are not promised tomorrow – make your peace today; you may see your family member at a family gathering – it’s much easier to be at peace with one another than to spoil the gathering for everyone else because you are feuding; and because the Bible commands it – Romans 12:18 states, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Be willing to live at peace with others. Stay tuned. . . .

Life is Not Pinterest Perfect

Every now and then, I run across articles on the internet about ‘Pinterest fails’. You know the kind. Pinterest makes everything look so nice and easy, all wrapped up in the perfect little bow. However, life is far from Pinterest perfect, as the Pinterest fail photos will attest to. Some folks, try as they might to follow directions and attempt that perfect little clown’s head cupcake, just aren’t fated to be Pinterest success stories.

And that’s okay. Life is not Pinterest Perfect. What you don’t see on Pinterest is the many times Suzy tried that certain thing and failed, until the planets aligned just right and the 103rd time was the charm for that little clown head cupcake. How many times do we hear of success, but not the failure that led to that success?

We ought not be fooled that every success is achieved on the very first try. I would have liked to have met Thomas Edison. His attempt at the incandescent light bulb failed nearly 1,000 times. When asked about his ‘failures’, he stated that they were not failures, but ideas that didn’t work. He had the right attitude. He kept going until he got it right. I’m sure there were times when Thomas Edison was frustrated, but he didn’t let that frustration define him, or thwart his efforts. He had a vision and he kept the goal in sight.

As women who have been divorced mid-life, we may hear of other women’s successes – in marriage, in business, in romance, in life. We may look at their lives as ‘Pinterest perfect’. But they aren’t. No one’s life is perfect. You are on the path you are on for a reason. When I was going through a divorce, I heard of women who had amicable divorces, whose husbands paid alimony on time and who were “still friends” with their ex. I thought, “No way! That’s impossible!!” But did I know all the details? Did I know what their marriage had been like? No. Like Shakespeare said, “Appearances can be deceiving.”

Go ahead and set goals, and put your energy toward achieving them. Don’t put your energy toward the Pinterest Perfect Life – it’s a myth. BTW? The ‘Pinterest Fails’ serve one purpose – to show us that no one is perfect! Stay tuned. . . .

 

The Last Day of Your Life

Whenever I hear of a loss of life, whatever the situation, I always think, “Did they (the people involved) know that was going to be their last day on earth?” Most likely, the answer is “No”. I know this may be a rather macabre subject, but I have a purpose in this post.

The years and days leading up to my divorce were dark – I have shared before that I walked around angry all the time. I was bitter, easily agitated, and not very much fun to be around. Some folks would have cheered my passing during that time! I wasn’t much better immediately following the divorce.

It takes me 40 minutes to get to work since I moved in with Cycle Dude. That gives me a great deal of time to pray, think about life and listen to worship music. This morning on my way in to work, I thought about the phrase, “The Last Day of Your Life” and what it means. I thought, what would most people do if they knew when they woke up this morning that it was the last day of their lives? Would they be more compassionate, more kind and generous? Then I thought, we ought to live our lives like that anyway.

Why wait until death is near to be a good person? To have faith in God? To show unconditional love to others? We should live each day like it’s our last. Yes, it’s easy to get angry, to be irritated by the hatred and evil we see around us. But what if we lived each day with a little more compassion, with a kind word on our lips, with a grateful and generous heart? We may not make a difference in the entire world, but we will make a difference in our small corner of the world.

Psalm 90, verse 12 states: “Teach us to number our days, that we may have a heart of wisdom.” And again in Psalm 139, verse 16: “You saw my unformed body. . . You knew the number of my days before there was one of them. . . .”. Whether or not we know the number of our days, God knows. We are to live our lives with wisdom, being selfless instead of being selfish. Instead of living our days for ourselves – in a self-centered, grab-all-I-can for me, me, me lifestyle – why don’t we live our lives in such a way that shows the love of God, or our belief in the goodness of humanity? Whenever we depart this world, we will leave all our stuff behind. I don’t want to be remembered for amount of stuff I had, but for the amount of love I showed. Stay tuned. . . .

To Thine Own Self Be True

Back in October of 1966, Gilligan’s Island had an episode entitled, “The Producer”. Harold Hecuba, a Hollywood producer, crash lands on the island while on a trip to find new talent. The castaways stage a musical production of Hamlet in order to showcase Ginger’s talent to Mr. Hecuba. At the end of the play, the entire cast sings a chorus that ends with the words; “And there’s another thing you ought to do, to thine own self be true.” The Shakespeare character Polonius utters these words in the original play Hamlet. He means, “Do not deceive yourself.”

I spent the first few years of my adult life totally oblivious to myself. By that, I mean, I really didn’t know who I was, what I was capable of, what I thought about things and believed in and where I stood in the grand scheme of life. I think now, at the ripe old age of 50something, I understand myself.

When I was younger, I was easily influenced by others, even as a young wife and mother. I remember when Y2K rolled around. I eagerly jumped on the bandwagon of doomsday preparation because the group of women I hung around with told me to. I would not let my children read the Harry Potter books because the group of women I hung around with told me the books were evil. I did not hold ex accountable as leader our family because I was told to “just let him lead (in whatever way he deems appropriate)”. Wow. I’ve come a long way.

The one good thing about my divorce is that it forced me to get to know myself – apart from husband, children, influential friends, finances. I was stripped of everything I thought I needed to live a good life. The only constant in my life was my faith. I knew that I had to cling to Christ in order to “make it out alive”.

Now I am on the other side – of the divorce, of the second half of my life and of the process of getting to know who I am. I know what I believe in. I know what I am capable of. I know how I react to situations – physically, emotionally, financially. I will not allow myself to be influenced by others to think, do, and behave in ways I don’t believe in or that I question. I won’t blindly follow others like I did when I was younger. I guess it’s all part of growing up, maturing and understanding who I am – being true to myself. Stay tuned . . . .