Tag Archives: encouragement

Do What You Love

I had a conversation today at lunchtime with one of the professors who works in my department. He told me, “Never get old and never retire.”  He is in the process of retiring and he said the paperwork is endless. He also said that professors, lawyers and teachers never retire because they have poured so much of their lives into their work.

 My mom is a lifelong educator. At 82, she is still educating others through her column and her website, “Supporting Super Students”. Mom graduated in 1958 with her degree in Education and immediately went to work as a teacher. In her 60 plus years as an educator, my mom has learned a thing or two. She has not let technology stop her from sharing her wealth of wisdom as an educator. She blogs, she texts and she even has her own website, thanks to my nephew. Mom is doing what she loves – educating students and their parents.

 I am doing what I love at myjob. Back in October, I returned to Myschool as the Accounting Specialist in one of the Humanities departments. I thoroughly love being back on campus and helping faculty, staff and students. I enjoy being in the center of campus, in the middle of all the activity! This feels like home! As an extrovert, I thrive on activity and people. I enjoy laughing with my coworkers and sharing silly stories with the faculty. The mom in me comes out when I see a student in need.

 Sometimes, it can be difficult to do what you love – you may not like your job, your hobby might not do well as a job, or you’re in the wrong place (city, neighborhood, etc.). Take some time to think about what you love to do. Can you share that with other people by volunteering? Example – If you love to sing, go sing at a retirement home. There will most likely be someone there who loves to play the piano and who would be thrilled to accompany you. You don’t have to be perfect and it gives you a place to do what you love.

 What would it take to do what you love? Would you need to move? Perhaps go back to school and upgrade your skills? Take private music or voice lessons? Rent space at a local craft shop? So what’s stopping you- time, money, fear?

 My mom didn’t let any of those things stop her. She took classes at the local community college to learn how to write better. She submitted manuscripts to publishers. She talked to newspapers in her area, asking if they would run her column. She talked to my brother, son and nephew and learned how to work with modern technology. She went to conferences and presented her website. She has the energy and drive of someone twenty years younger than her – all because she wants to do what she loves.

 Don’t be afraid to do what you love. Chances are that if it brings you joy, it will bring others joy as well. Stay tuned. . .

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To Be a Friend

I have a friend who works for the same hospital in Mytown that I used to work for. We didn’t start out as friends. In fact, about two months after I started working there, she called me and laid into me: “I have NEVER had as many problems with your office as I now have with you! I have been here for over 13 years and you have only been here for two months!”

I must admit that I was taken aback by her biting words. Even though I felt like crying, I didn’t. I was determined to be nice to this lady. Over the next three years, whenever I would email her or call her, I would be as nice as possible to her. When I told her I was leaving for another job, she panicked. “I will miss you! You have inspired me to be a better person!” I must admit that I was taken aback by her complimentary words.

She and I got together for dinner about a month ago. When I emailed her to invite her to dinner, she was very grateful. At dinner, she told me, “I am not a very nice person. I was surprised when you emailed me.” I almost cried. I told her, “I can be a pain in the patooty sometimes, too – just ask my children!” I invited her to go to dinner next week with my best buddy whom I have known for over 15 years.

It takes a great deal of effort to be a good friend. When we commit to being someone’s friend, we commit to the seen and the unseen. We commit to them – past, present and future. That’s a very difficult thing to do. What if they have a bad, dangerous past? What if they are extremely needy right now? What if they do something really stupid in the future?

We all have something in our past that makes us vulnerable and maybe a bit dangerous. Your friend could be needy right now because of her past. All she may need is someone to talk to who will show some compassion. I can guarantee you that I will do something stupid in the future – never fails. So will you.

To be a friend we need to step outside of ourselves, to b-e willing to give our best when our friend is at their worse, and to be willing to give abundant grace to others (and ourselves!). My best buddy has done all of that for me. She knows my past, has seen me at my worst, has given me abundant grace and compassion and still wants to hang out with me.

To be a friend is to take a huge risk. I am so glad my best buddy risked it with me. She has been a wonderful friend. Who will you take a risk with? Stay tuned. . . .

 

Entitled to a Title

A well-known radio talk show host once said, “I am my children’s mother”. I’d like to take that a step further and say, “I am my grandchildren’s grandmother.” There are only two women who have the title “Grandma” to my grandchildren – me, of course, and my children’s mother-in-law. This is not open to debate – this title is not awarded to the highest bidder and it is not given on a whim. Like every gray hair on my head, I have more than earned the title of “Grandma” – or, in my case, “Nonnie”.

I carried and birthed each of my children. I endured two months of very limited activity to make sure my second child arrived safely in this world. I changed poopie diapers, cleaned up vomit, stayed up many sleepless nights – first as my children were infants and not feeling well, and then as they grew older and were driving – I cried with my children, laughed with them, attended parent-teacher conferences, celebrated their successes and encouraged them when they were not so successful. I spent hours in the ER, days hoping they’d make friends at school, then months homeschooling them, years encouraging them and a lifetime on my knees praying for them.

The title of “Grandma” does not go to ex’s wife, a family friend or an older acquaintance. I am proud of each of my children, the people they have become and the people they are continuing to become. I am proud of my grandbabies. I was not the perfect parent, and they won’t be either, yet we continue to live each day as it comes. I wouldn’t trade being “Nonnie” for anything! Stay tuned. . . .

Making Memories

One of my coworkers was raised in an orphanage. I have been getting bits and pieces of her story over the past few weeks. When I talk about how excited I am for my mom to come for Christmas, my coworker relates a story from her past. She never really knew her mom and knew very little about her dad. Her stories don’t bother me or make me sad, but they make me grateful for the family I have and the memories we made through the years.

I am looking forward to making memories with my mom. As one of six children, I didn’t always have one on one time with my mom. A couple of years ago at a family reunion here in Mytown for my mom’s 80th birthday, she and I shared a cabin. I was so thrilled to finally have her all to myself. We laughed and cried together. I will have those memories forever.

I have the whole Christmas week planned out with my mom. We are going to see two of my children who live in the middle of the Mystate and we will go see my son and his family who recently moved back to south Mystate. We are also going to the Biltmore in Asheville to see the Christmas decorations. I have built in some “veg-out” days where we can hang out and just enjoy each other’s company. Cycle Dude is taking the whole week off, so he will be vegging with us! I am looking forward to the memories we will make during the week. I know that when the day comes when my mom is no longer with us, I will look back on these days and be grateful for the time we had together.

I hope my children will also take this time to make some memories with their Grandma. We will visit my grandbaby, my mom’s fifth great-grandchild, and take a four generation picture with my mom, me, my son and my grandbaby. I will cherish that picture.

Wherever you are, whoever you are with, whatever you do this holiday season, spend some time making good memories. It is easy to have bad memories about your divorce. It is therapeutic to make good memories – to start new traditions, to make new friends, and to be grateful for another holiday season. Have a thankful heart and a joyous holiday. Stay tuned. . . . .

Tight Budget Holiday

You are newly divorced and this is your first post-divorce holiday season. You may find yourself on a very tight budget – there is money for the basics but not much else. How do you get through this time and still maintain some semblance of happiness?

First of all, happiness should not be an externally motivated emotion. You choose to be happy. Sit down and do an inventory of all that you have. I can think of several things I had my first post-divorce holiday season: family, friends, my dogs, and a roof over my head, a car (or the bus) that got me to work. I did not have much, but I was thankful for what I did have.

Second, who says you need a great deal of money at the holidays? Be creative!

Centerpieces: Granted, a table centerpiece is the usually the last thing one thinks about when one is on a tight budget, but sometimes a little festive decoration can do wonders for one’s spirits. And a little goes a long way. A simple Christmas centerpiece: 3 apples, 2 red or white pillar candles, sprigs of greenery. Make a ‘bed’ from the greenery, add the apples, and then arrange the candles in and among the other pieces. Use small pieces of ribbon as accents. (Do not use the apples as candle holders – don’t waste food – you may want to eat them later.) Reuse taper candles (the long, thin ones). Cut off the used part, making sure not to entirely cut through the wick. Once you light the candles, no one will notice they’ve been “recycled”.

Gifts: Can you sew? Do you bake? Do you paint? Can you walk? Use your skills to make low-cost Christmas gifts. Cut out two circles from a piece of felt, whip stitch them together, hot glue buttons on the felt, and add a piece of ribbon (or red or green embroidery floss) for the hanger. Whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies. When cool, dip one end of the cookie into melted chocolate (dark, milk or white). Simple, yet elegant. Paint three palm-sized rocks – one green, one white, one red. Use the green, white and red paint to paint dots, speckles, zigzags, etc. on the rocks. Give them together as a unique Christmas decoration. (You can also sprinkle glitter on the paint while it is still wet to add a little extra pizzazz.) Take a walk and collect some pine cones. Paint them white and add a little glitter, the attach some red ribbon. Simple Christmas decoration!

Attitude: It’s very easy to have a poor attitude during the first post-divorce holiday season. Sit down and have a self-pep-talk instead of a pity party. Did you wake up this morning? Good. Is there a roof over your head? Good. Did you have a warm shower? Good. Do you have least one friend? Good. Don’t expect this holiday season to be like all the rest. You are headed for something better! Now is the time to start some new traditions. Now is the time to step outside of yourself and give to others. Now is the time to enjoy the peace and quiet. Reflect on the God Who gave. Or, if you are not religious, reflect on how vast the universe is and how you are part of something that big! Have a thankful heart this holiday season – big budget or not. Stay tuned. . . .

 

A Better Person

I have recently shared that I will be leaving my current job for a job at my Alma Mater – just across the river from where I am now.  Earlier this week, I was emailing a colleague in the Accounts Payable Department. She was sad to hear I am leaving. She told me, “You have made me want to be a better person and I’m working on it.” I felt humbled.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man (or woman) sharpens the countenance of his (her) friend.” I told my colleague that one of the signs of a good relationship – personal or professional – is that those involved become better people. There should be people in our lives who “sharpen” us and make us better people.

How does this happen?

Professional: Coworkers, supervisors and business associates should motivate us to be and to do our best. Improper relationships, shady dealings, work gossip and ‘working/cheating the system’ is not our best. Taking advantage of other people in the workplace is not our best.

Personal: Whether the relationship is friendship or romantic, we should aspire to influence one another for the best. Gossip, stealing, mocking, selfishness, any kind of abuse – none of these things is our best. Compassion, integrity, generosity, faith – these things are our best and we should encourage them in those we love and are friends with. If you have personal relationships that are dragging you down, causing an overwhelming darkness in your life or are just plain unhealthy (co-dependence, addiction, abuse, etc.), it’s time to re-evaluate and end that relationship.

I have a couple of friends who have been with me through the good times and bad times in my life. I have been with them through the same. One friend I refer to as ‘My Best Buddy”. Over the past 13+ years, we have sharpened one another. We have also rounded down the edges that have gotten a little too sharp! We know we can depend on one another (like the time she called me at 3am because she had a water pipe burst). Cycle Dude has made me a better person – more at peace, more generous.

Take time to consider if your relationships have made you a better person. If not, seriously consider ending them. Life is too short to waste it on bad relationships. Stay tuned. . .

 

The Golden Rule

I will be leaving my current job in a week and going back to work at my Alma Mater. I am excited to be on a college campus again and to be a part of all the activity. I enjoy helping students and faculty. I enjoy learning. I enjoy serving my coworkers. I enjoy giving back to the community.

Almost five years ago, one of the faith groups on campus started a food pantry for students. I am looking forward to serving the campus community by volunteering my time and resources for that food pantry. It wasn’t so long ago that I often wondered where the next meal was going to come from as I chose between food and utilities or gas. But God was good – my dogs and I always had something to eat.

But, I digress. The real purpose of this post is to share that many people have come up to me at work and expressed their sorrow that I am leaving. As I was running an errand at the hospital this morning, I ran into one of my good friends who is a housekeeper and is also an Elvis impersonator (that’s a whole ‘nother story for a whole ‘nother time, but he has an unbelievable ministry through his impersonation). Tom and I talked and I started to cry. I told him I was leaving, but that I was sad and overwhelmed at the same time. Tom encouraged me with prayer and scripture and told me that I had made an impact at myjob.

Why have I made such an impact? For one, the love of God. As I have received, so I give (Matthew 10:8b). Another is that I strongly believe in treating others as I want to be treated, or The Golden Rule (Luke 6:31). There have been times when I have been lost and afraid and in dire straits and others have reached out to me. I have been treated with love and kindness and that’s how I try to treat others. Is it that way 100% of the time? Heavens, no! I am not perfect and I will be the first to tell you so.

I find joy in serving others and treating others well. I know that I am doing what God has called me to do – to make a difference in this life. I may not be rich or famous, but I want others to know they are loved and valued. If I have positively influenced one person in my time at the hospital, then it has been worth it. If I have shown one soul the love of God and brought joy to their heart, then it has been worth it. If I have given one sad heart a big smile that broke through that sadness, then it has been worth it. And so I move on to serve others who need to know the unconditional love of Christ. Stay tuned . . .