I Am an Evangelical Christian, But I Don’t Agree. . . .

I normally do not use this blog to so vehemently express an opinion. However, this one subject has been nagging at me for some time. Proceed with caution.

I live fairly close to the belt buckle in the Bible belt of our great country.  This is a place of ‘cultural’ Christianity, a place where churches divide over non-issues (political support, ‘speaking in tongues’, women in the pulpit, etc.), where the King James version of the Bible is “the only true translation!” and where, in a five mile radius, one can find a half a dozen churches, all of different denominations. No wonder non-believers roll their eyes when they hear the word, ‘Christianity’.

I recently read an article on HuffPost entitled, “I Used To Be An Anti-LGBTQ Evangelical. Here’s What Finally Changed My Heart and Mind” by Brianna Bell. Ms. Bell Chronicles her journey from her fervent belief that being trans or gay went against God’s will to being an ally for the LGBTQ community and opposing violence against marginalized groups. I applaud Ms. Bell.

I, too, used to be a gay and trans opposing Evangelical. But then I started witnessing the violence, the name-calling, the hatred for the LGBTQ community. I saw the news coverage of the Pulse shooting in Orlando, FL and heard survivors’ stories.

I am of the belief that no one should be subjected to such terror and violence due to their race, color, religion, age, sex, national origin, disability status, genetics, protected veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression. As a Christ follower, how can I stand by as Christians spew hatred toward others while expressing love for God? The Scripture talks about that.

1 John 4:20 says, “If anyone says, ‘I love God’, but hates his brother, he is a liar.” And Matthew 7:3-5: “ Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” 

Why is it that so many Christians think it is okay to condemn others for their faults and failings, yet do not admit to their own? Why is so much easier for people of faith to point out the wrong around them and not consider the wrong within them? Yes, I realize I am speaking in generalizations and that not all Christ followers are so blatantly hypocritical.

I am an Evangelical Christian, but I don’t believe in condemning others for the wrongs in their life when I have wrongs in my on life. How can I show others the love of God and be so judgmental and hypocritical at the same time? I can’t. I need to admit my own wrongs and weaknesses. I need to admit to my own frail humanity before I condemn other for theirs. Stay tuned . . . .

 

 

 

Life is Beautiful

I have talked to several people recently who had nothing positive to say about their lives, their jobs, the economy, etc. Everything that came out of their mouths was negative. I felt like I didn’t want to be around those people anymore. Granted, there are some major things going on in the world that would cause anyone to be negative. But why be that way all the time?

I may be accused of being Pollyanna, but life is too short to be so negative. One friend’s daughter is despairing because she cannot afford a house close to where she works in a big city (this young lady is usually negative). One friend is despairing about the current White House occupant and his bizarre policies. It is way too easy to be negative about life, especially when things haven’t quite turned out as expected.

That’s when it’s time to step back and reassess. Are your expectations too high? Are you comparing yourself with someone else? Are you unwilling to work hard for what you want? Do you vote? What in your life can you change?

I have a 40 minute commute to work. I pass through some of the most beautiful scenery during that time. I am also privy to some of the most gorgeous sunrises I have ever seen. Yes, dipwads in overblown pickup trucks like to get on my tail. Yes, traffic sometimes moves slow in the fast lane. Yes, some days on the road are better than others. I could be very negative about the commute- how long it takes, etc. But I’m not. Life is too short. I appreciate and enjoy the beauty of the drive. I listen get to listen to music, pray and plan my day.

Life is also too short to moan and groan about what I cannot change or cannot change right now – the dude in the White House, for instance.  I vote and I encourage others to get out and do the same. Don’t be snowballed by Republicans or Democrats. Vote with an educated conscience.

Don’t whine – do something to affect change! Volunteer. Donate. Vote. Be kind. Be generous. Listen. Be courageous. Be encouraging. Be compassionate. Share. Laugh. Create. Life is too short for negativity! Life is beautiful! Life is an adventure! Live it! Stay tuned. . . .

Take Your Time

I read a piece this morning about how ‘managing long-term metal health effects poses unique challenges in each town touched by tragedy, but experts agree that isolation is a red flag’ (credit to Terry Spencer, Kelli Kennedy and Colleen Slevin of the Associated Press). A mass shooting survivor talks about how she went to talk to therapists at her school after the shooting, but spoke to a different person each time she went (thus rehashing her traumatic experience) and how she was expected to “get better” a year after the experience.

Whenever we endure a traumatic experience, no matter what the circumstances, the details are seared into our psyche. A sound, a sight, a smell can trigger painful memories and we relive the incident all over again. I’ve had family members who have been in horrible car accidents. It doesn’t take much for them to relive the trauma.

When we break a bone, it has to be immobilized. After we experience trauma, we need to be immobilized – to stop and process what happened. When we break a bone, we need to have physical therapy so our muscles don’t atrophy and we can continue the use of the limb. After trauma, we need counseling to help us to continue processing and healing from the experience. When we break a bone, we may need crutches or a cane to help us move forward. After trauma, we need compassion from others to help us move forward.

Many uninjured victims of mass shootings end up later taking their own lives due to the pain they feel from the experience. Those people who have experienced any kind of trauma need: continuity in counseling, compassion in relationships and time to move on and find their new ‘normal’. If we have never experienced trauma, then we have no right to tell those who have experienced trauma to just get over it, or just move on. It’s not that easy.

We must allow trauma victims time to move through their experience. They will never be the same – we cannot expect them to be. I experienced PTSD after my divorce. The counselor I went to allowed me to cry and process what I had experienced. I am so thankful for her compassion. Be kind and allow victims of trauma to take their time to process the incident, even it takes years. Stay tuned . . .

Comfortable in Your Own Skin

As I was putting my makeup on this morning, my mind began to wander. I thought, “Those photos of contouring look so silly. I would be late for work if I spent all that time in the morning contouring my face. I guess the people who swear by contouring have the time and the need for contouring. With my luck, I’d end up looking like a clown! I’m fine the way I am.”

Then I thought, “I guess I am comfortable in my own skin. Cool!” Yes, I could stand to lose some weight. No, my face is not one in a million. (In fact, I am the most UNphotogenic person I know.) The only reason I stand out in a crowd is that I am tall, but normally, I blend in well.

What does it mean to “be comfortable in your own skin”? For me it means to be content with who I am and not compare myself to anyone else. I am a unique person – there is no one else like me. I am on this earth for a reason  – I am not here by chance. My God does not make junk! Neither my children nor grandchildren would here without me. I have a purpose – to enrich others’ lives by showing compassion and giving grace.

I don’t want to look like a movie star or have millions of dollars in the bank. I am fine with who I am – Mom, Nonnie, daughter, sister, friend, and lover. I am comfortable in my own skin. Stay tuned . . .

Shattered Faith

Cycle Dude and I listen to NPR (National Public Radio) a great deal. This morning, I caught part of an interview with a young woman who had been sexually abused in the 1990’s by the youth pastor in her church. The interviewer asked the young woman if she still has her faith. I did not hear her answer, but I got the impression she did not.

My heart aches for that young woman. Although I was not sexually abused by a member of the clergy, Catholic or Protestant, I was “relationally” abused by a Protestant pastor.

My family had attended a denominational church in Mytown for four years when my marriage started to disintegrate. I turned to a pastor for help, for marriage counseling. Ex and I were sent to a non-licensed, non-professional church member for counseling. For the first 30 minutes of our hour-long session, the man told us his story and why he liked the program he would use with us. This happened weekly for about a month before I finally said, “Enough. This is about us, not you.”

When ex sought counseling one-on-one with a pastor, he was told he could not be counseled because he had an issue with another member of the congregation. We were basically treated as pariahs because we no longer met the church’s definition of “holy”. My children were even treated with disdain – and they didn’t do anything!

One does not have to be sexually abused to experience abuse at the hands of a trusted church leader, church member or congregation. Christians have no qualms about shooting their own wounded.

For about a year and a half after the incident with the folks in the Baptist church, I shied away from church, attending occasionally out of respect for my children. My marriage did fall apart and I felt shattered – my life, my relationships, my faith.

I began attending another church that was led by a pastor I knew several years earlier. He put together a team to help ex and I walk through the separation and divorce. I was so thankful. He even said, “We’ve never done this before, but we know we need to take care of you.”

I tell this story to say that not all churches or church members are abusive. It is difficult to trust again after one has experienced any kind of abuse, no matter who the perpetrator is. My faith in Christ is stronger today than ever because of people like the pastor who knew it was his responsibility to care for a wounded member of his congregation. I know that my faith is not in man, but in God. I know that His heart broke as well as mine at the abuse my family and I endured.

My faith was shattered for a long time and it was painful to pick up the pieces. I had two friends who helped me to pick up those pieces. I have learned as a woman of faith that I need to extend a hand and to give grace instead of lobbing scripture bombs and judgement at my Christian brothers and sisters who find themselves in time of need. None of us are “holy”, no not one. Give grace. Stay tuned. . . .

To Be a Friend

I have a friend who works for the same hospital in Mytown that I used to work for. We didn’t start out as friends. In fact, about two months after I started working there, she called me and laid into me: “I have NEVER had as many problems with your office as I now have with you! I have been here for over 13 years and you have only been here for two months!”

I must admit that I was taken aback by her biting words. Even though I felt like crying, I didn’t. I was determined to be nice to this lady. Over the next three years, whenever I would email her or call her, I would be as nice as possible to her. When I told her I was leaving for another job, she panicked. “I will miss you! You have inspired me to be a better person!” I must admit that I was taken aback by her complimentary words.

She and I got together for dinner about a month ago. When I emailed her to invite her to dinner, she was very grateful. At dinner, she told me, “I am not a very nice person. I was surprised when you emailed me.” I almost cried. I told her, “I can be a pain in the patooty sometimes, too – just ask my children!” I invited her to go to dinner next week with my best buddy whom I have known for over 15 years.

It takes a great deal of effort to be a good friend. When we commit to being someone’s friend, we commit to the seen and the unseen. We commit to them – past, present and future. That’s a very difficult thing to do. What if they have a bad, dangerous past? What if they are extremely needy right now? What if they do something really stupid in the future?

We all have something in our past that makes us vulnerable and maybe a bit dangerous. Your friend could be needy right now because of her past. All she may need is someone to talk to who will show some compassion. I can guarantee you that I will do something stupid in the future – never fails. So will you.

To be a friend we need to step outside of ourselves, to b-e willing to give our best when our friend is at their worse, and to be willing to give abundant grace to others (and ourselves!). My best buddy has done all of that for me. She knows my past, has seen me at my worst, has given me abundant grace and compassion and still wants to hang out with me.

To be a friend is to take a huge risk. I am so glad my best buddy risked it with me. She has been a wonderful friend. Who will you take a risk with? Stay tuned. . . .

 

The Golden Rule

I will be leaving my current job in a week and going back to work at my Alma Mater. I am excited to be on a college campus again and to be a part of all the activity. I enjoy helping students and faculty. I enjoy learning. I enjoy serving my coworkers. I enjoy giving back to the community.

Almost five years ago, one of the faith groups on campus started a food pantry for students. I am looking forward to serving the campus community by volunteering my time and resources for that food pantry. It wasn’t so long ago that I often wondered where the next meal was going to come from as I chose between food and utilities or gas. But God was good – my dogs and I always had something to eat.

But, I digress. The real purpose of this post is to share that many people have come up to me at work and expressed their sorrow that I am leaving. As I was running an errand at the hospital this morning, I ran into one of my good friends who is a housekeeper and is also an Elvis impersonator (that’s a whole ‘nother story for a whole ‘nother time, but he has an unbelievable ministry through his impersonation). Tom and I talked and I started to cry. I told him I was leaving, but that I was sad and overwhelmed at the same time. Tom encouraged me with prayer and scripture and told me that I had made an impact at myjob.

Why have I made such an impact? For one, the love of God. As I have received, so I give (Matthew 10:8b). Another is that I strongly believe in treating others as I want to be treated, or The Golden Rule (Luke 6:31). There have been times when I have been lost and afraid and in dire straits and others have reached out to me. I have been treated with love and kindness and that’s how I try to treat others. Is it that way 100% of the time? Heavens, no! I am not perfect and I will be the first to tell you so.

I find joy in serving others and treating others well. I know that I am doing what God has called me to do – to make a difference in this life. I may not be rich or famous, but I want others to know they are loved and valued. If I have positively influenced one person in my time at the hospital, then it has been worth it. If I have shown one soul the love of God and brought joy to their heart, then it has been worth it. If I have given one sad heart a big smile that broke through that sadness, then it has been worth it. And so I move on to serve others who need to know the unconditional love of Christ. Stay tuned . . .

It’s Going to be Okay

Several years ago, I came across a “Survivors Guide for PMS”. I clipped the piece from the paper and put it up on my refrigerator. Some of the tips were things like, “Don’t make any big decisions when you’re PMSing, get plenty of sleep, don’t tackle all the household chores at once”, etc. The one that really caught my attention was for the guys, “Hold her close and tell her everything is going to be okay.”

We all need to be reassured sometimes. When we have that horrible day, when we made that really stupid mistake, when we said the absolute wrong thing at the absolute wrong time, when did something really dumb that we laughed about in others – yup, been there done it all!

A couple of weeks ago I had my review at work –  and the day before was the anniversary of my dad’s death. I cried all the way home that day. When I got home I just went over to Cycle Dude and cried in his arms. He wrapped his arms around me and said, “It will be okay.” Of course, he was right. The next day I was feeling better. But at that moment, his arms and those words were just what I needed.

Do you need to be reassured? Do you need to know that it’s going to be ok? Let me give you a cyber hug and tell you, yes, it really is going to be okay. Your life may not be perfect, but you’ll be okay. Give yourself a hug! Stay tuned. . . .

 

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again*

It’s easy for me to feel happy and contented seven years post-divorce. I wasn’t always happy and contented after my divorce. The first few months, even years, after my divorce, I was still angry and bitter. It took a long time to get over that. I eventually went to see a counselor for PTSD. Yes, women who have been through a divorce do experience PTSD, especially if there was any kind of abuse involved, no matter how subtle.

Even though Cycle Dude and I started dating not long after my divorce, I was still angry and bitter, though I made sure not to take it out on Cycle Dude. I worked diligently to get past the anger and bitterness in order to have a good relationship with him. He was so patient with me. I cannot express how much that meant to me.

I was listening to my Pandora Praise and Worship station this morning when the song, “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey started to play. The first verse and chorus are this:

You’re shattered Like you’ve never been before The life you knew In a thousand pieces on the floor And words fall short in times like these When this world drives you to your knees You think you’re never gonna get back To the you that used to be

Tell your heart to beat again Close your eyes and breathe it in Let the shadows fall away Step into the light of grace Yesterday’s a closing door You don’t live there anymore Say goodbye to where you’ve been And tell your heart to beat again (*Songwriters: Matthew West, Bernie Herms, Randy Phillips – performed by Danny Gokey).

The phrase, “Yesterday’s a closing door, you don’t live there anymore; say goodbye to where you’ve been. . .” spoke volumes to me. I don’t want to be the me I used to be. I am not the same person I was when I got divorced. I don’t live with that anger and bitterness anymore. Yesterday is long past. My heart can beat again. I no longer feel that ache in the pit of my stomach. I no longer cry myself to sleep. God has used Cycle Dude and his unconditional love, two friends and their incredible wisdom and His Word to heal my heart.

Let the healing balm of the love of Christ wash over you this holiday season. Take some time to sit in the silence of your living room and listen – to the quiet, to the voice of God, to your own heartbeat. Healing will come and your heart will beat again. Stay tuned. . .

 

Not Alone

I was sexually assaulted. I remember that day so clearly. My family was visiting relatives in Chicago and we had gone to the Museum of Science and Energy. I think I was about 8 years old. There was one display that I was particularly interested in, but did not get to see when my family was around because there were so many people. After my family started to wander off, I stuck around to look at the display. I was surrounded by a group of older children. I thought nothing of it until someone slipped their hand up under my skirt and started to fondle my private area. I was shocked! I didn’t know who the person was, I didn’t look up and I didn’t look back. I broke away from the group and ran to find my parents.

I didn’t tell my parents about the incident because I thought they would make it my fault. I carried that memory with me for a long time before I told anyone. I thought it was my fault – if I had gone with my parents instead of staying back, it wouldn’t have happened. Forty years later, during a counseling session, I mentioned the incident in passing. My counselor said, “What? Go back to what you just said.” I did and we talked about it. It was good to finally get it out in the open.

I told my ex and my children about it once it came out in counseling. I didn’t tell my mom until several years later. I was angry with her and my dad for not protecting me. After I told my mom, she told me that she, too, had been sexually assaulted by a family friend as a young teen. We cried together.

I am glad that the sexual assault that has been so hidden but pervasive in Hollywood is finally coming out. I glad that more and more groups are tackling sex trafficking and bringing that horrendous practice out into the open. Women and girls, even men and boys, need to know they are not alone as victims of sexual assault.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please call your local law enforcement agency. A victim of sexual assault feels shame and guilt. They need to know that whatever happened was not their fault, no matter what anyone says. Please seek help and support to get beyond this horrendous experience. Please commit to walk with your friend as she heals and recovers from this trauma. God Bless you.